Women Loving Widowers, Articles By Our Members

I am changing your status and title back to Widower because you never left it. I know you think you did, and maybe you wanted to, but you didn’t. You will no longer be my BF, SO, or lover. You will be part of my history. Unlike you, I will be able to move on. I will grieve the loss of you in my life and our relationship. The grief will pass and occasionally I will look back and remember you warmly and fondly and all the fun we had. The grief will not dictate my future or a future relationship because I will not date again until I have mourned this relationship.

I suggest you do not date anyone for a while. Please finish your grieving and let go of LW before you ever ask out another woman. Again, I know you think you have finished, but can you pass this test? If you can, you are ready to date.

1. How many LW photos are currently in your bedroom? Give yourself five points per photo.

2. Do you have a wedding portrait (can be the two of you or just LW) displayed in your home in any room? Give yourself two points per photo. A framed wedding invitation or announcement counts for two points also.

3. One family portrait of you, LW, and your children (or extended family) is okay unless it is displayed in your bedroom. If so, count it with those photos.

4. How many other photos (not previously counted) of LW are displayed in your home? Give yourself one point per photo.

5. Is LW’s photo still in your wallet? Give yourself two points per photo.

6. Is your screensaver a photo of LW? If so, give yourself two points.

7. Do you wear a wedding ring (on your finger or a chain)? If so, give yourself ten points.

8. Do you wear or use some special memento of LW or gift from LW (signet ring, cross, pen, etc.) to evoke her memory? Give yourself five points per item.

9. Is LW’s voice still on the answering machine? If so, give yourself five points.

10. Is LW’s refrigerator magnet collection still on the refrigerator? Give yourself one point per magnet and two points per personalized magnet (e.g., Susan’s kitchen).

11. How many LW professional mementos (personalized or company coffee mug, Teachers are Special plaque, framed awards, etc.) are displayed in the home? Give yourself one point per memento.

12. How many of any personalized items are still displayed? One point per item!

13. Have you removed LW’s name from the house, utilities, credit cards, and car(s)? Give yourself two points per auto or bill that still carry her name.

14. Have you cleaned out LW’s closet and dresser? Give yourself one point per item of clothing or purse (pair of shoes/boots/gloves counts as one) of hers remaining. Don’t forget to count her jackets in the front closet or the purse hanging from the bedroom door. If you think/expect your new lady love will help you with this chore, add 25 points.

15. Have you cleaned out her personal items from the bathroom? Give yourself one point for each item of make-up, lotion, shampoo, and hairbrush. Give yourself two points for each bottle of perfume. Give yourself 25 points if her toothbrush is still there. The hairdryer is exempt ONLY if you use it. The curling iron/set of electric rollers -- two points each.

16. How many personal items related to LW’s illness (sick bowls, wigs, lab reports, old meds, prayer cards, Chicken Soup books) are still in the house? Yep, one point per item.

17. How many items from LW’s funeral are displayed in your house? Ashes in a public room are worth five points. Ashes in your bedroom are worth 25 points. All other items (dried flower arrangement, program, mass card, etc.) are worth one point each.

18. How many items in your house do you use (regularly or occasionally) but refer to it as belonging to LW? Examples: Sara’s suitcase, Nancy’s chair, Jane’s car. Give yourself five points per item.

19. How many collections (stamps, teacups, etc.) or collectibles (dolls, teddy bears, angel statuettes, etc.) belonging to LW are still on display? Give yourself one point per item.

20. How many times have you said “my wife” instead of “my late wife” to someone in the past six months? Give yourself two points for each occurrence.

21. How many times in the past year have you referred to LW in the present tense? Give yourself two points per occurrence.

22. How many special days (LW’s birthday, wedding anniversary, LW’s death day) each year do you memorialize (privately or with family members) per year? Give yourself five points for each day in the past year. Add another five points if it includes a grave visit.

23. Do you accept free food, housekeeping help, laundry services, or other services from LW’s friends or family? Give yourself two points per freebie per month.

24. How many surprise items (sunglasses in the glove box, earrings in a bathroom drawer, etc.) are still left in the house/garage/car/RV? When you find them, give yourself one point per item.

25. How often do you "share" a good/bad memory of LW the second it pops into your head? This includes sharing any good/bad dream of LW? Give yourself two points for each "sharing" occurence with a new lady love.

26. How often do family members/FILs/friends bring up LW in front of your new lady love or make a comment about the "good ol' days" with LW, or treat your new lady love with disdain and YOU JUST STAND THERE without correcting that person. Give yourself ten points per occurence. Even if you didn't witness it, but your new lady love mentions it!

Add all the points to see if you are ready to date.

0 points:	Yes, you have moved on. Feel free to date and start a relationship.
1-2 points :	You may have some things to take care of, but you may date.
3-10 points:	The points are meaningless. You just took this stupid test to PROVE to others that you had moved on, but knowing full well you haven’t.
11-49 points:	Give it a rest. Mourn your LW and heal before dating. Do not inflict your grieving self on some poor woman expecting her to be your grief counselor. It isn't romantic--it is selfish.
50-200 points:	Get real. You should be wearing a black arm band.
***Over 200 points:	You shouldn’t even be thinking about dating! Was the funeral last week? If you are such a pig that you are going to date this soon, try to have a little respect for the poor dead woman that put up with you and all the women out there that have, so far, had the good luck to avoid you.

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